Relational Parenting
At the start of my parenting journey, I was glued to Twitter for parenting hacks. Gentle parenting, taking children seriously, authoritative parenting—you name it, I read it. I thought if I could just find the right approach, things would feel clearer, more manageable. But what I discovered—through a lot of trial and error—is something far less tidy, and far more meaningful: what I now call relational parenting.
At first glance, it might sound vague or even inconsistent. But to me, it’s about being consistently relational. That means staying connected—not just to our children, but to ourselves. Because genuine attunement with our kids is downstream of attunement with our own experience.
There are moments in parenting when no rulebook seems to apply. It’s a beautiful summer evening—do I stick to the bedtime or go for another round of football? Ok now it's waaaay to late, I’ve tried the gentle approach to hit the hay, but now I’m overwhelmed, and my nervous system wants to scream.
Sometimes I thought I just needed better tools—more patience, clearer boundaries, a better way to respond. And while techniques like breathwork, or whatever the route to grounding are incredibly helpful, I’ve come to see that they’re only part of the picture.
What really shifted things for me wasn’t just knowing how to stay calm—it was learning to turn inward with compassion.
Instead of pushing past my tension or trying to “fix” it, I began acknowledging what I was feeling: I’m tired. I’m tense. And I’m still managing to keep these small humans in one piece. Just pausing to notice that with kindness—rather than judgment—would often soften something inside me. The urge to act out my frustration would ease. I felt more choice, more clarity.
That’s what I mean when I talk about relational parenting. It isn’t about doing it all “right”—it’s about being with yourself as you are, so you can be with your child as they are. It’s not just emotional regulation, but a deeper kind of relationship with ourselves. One where the stress or self-judgment behind the trigger gets to be seen and tended to—not just managed, but understood.
In that light, relational parenting—and relational therapy—are about engagement, not avoidance. They ask us to meet what’s arising in ourselves with honesty and care.
Sometimes that means holding a boundary; sometimes it means softening one. Mistakes will happen—and they do. Part of being a relational parent is modelling what it means to be human: that we sometimes unwittingly hurt those we love, and that it’s possible—and important—to return, reconnect, and take responsibility for our missteps.
In doing so, we show our children that relationships aren’t about perfection. They’re about honesty, repair, and growth. When things don't go to plan, unexpected hurt arises. Ok, it's unfortunate, and here is also an opportunity for us to tighten our bond.
Relational parenting, then, isn’t a technique. It’s a way of being. By knowing ourselves and embracing the full mess and meaning of family life, we offer our children not only guidance, but the lived example of presence, humility, and connection.